Not a year goes by where [our family] doesn’t have to suffer the loss of a loved one. If not a loss, then an illness or a stay in the hospital that may be deemed terminal.
I’m in the passenger seat right now, traveling to my grandmother’s house in Los Lunas. On Saturday, we were unsure about tomorrow. On Sunday, the same. Monday came and our doubts continued to grow. It’s now Tuesday evening and every one’s thoughts lie on the inevitable.
While some may dispute their comfort with the situation, I am certain in how I feel.
Back in December, I had the opportunity to practice what I learned after my other Grandmother, Rosella, passed. With my Grandma Rosella, we had a dispute earlier in the week and it came as a shock that her death came so sudden. I regarded that week as the worst ever and found myself, months later, regretting that I was upset with her. I learned that life doesn’t always afford you with precious moments and when given the opportunity, one should strike.
Thanksgiving came for my Grandma Mary last year and her health took a sudden decline, putting her in the hospital for the holidays. She encouraged the family to get together for dinner and we did. It wasn’t a collective agreement, but everyone understood. We all arrived at different times at my Uncle’s house, but it was a surprise to both him and my Aunt. While everyone told my Grandmother that they would try to meet with everyone for Thanksgiving dinner, the truth of the situation was that all was rather uncertain.
When dinner finally came, everyone seemed to migrate to my Uncles. Every one’s reason was that it felt right and they didn’t know where else to go and dwell on the situation. My feeling on that thanksgiving was that God has his plan for everyone, regardless of whether they felt that going separate ways to mourn was appropriate; my grandma’s prayer for her family to remain close on that holiday was answered.
Thanksgiving passed and eventually my grandma was released from the hospital. Unfortunatly, she had suffered a heart attack and the ability of her heart, liver and kidneys to funciton properly was declining. As it was explained to me, the heart’s need for increased oxygen would further damage the lungs, which would release toxins into the body, damaging the liver, which would damage the kidneys. But, without treating the heart, life would quickly end.
The decision was to put her on oxygen, giving her at least 6-8 months.
December came, and another hospital stay as well. The heart was beginning to fail and we were all too certain that God would take her on Christmas. Again, she told the family to stick together and this time we did.
For me, I knew that my grandmother had secrets to life that I wished to learn and that learning from her would require me to set my pride aside. I laid it all out on the table, holding back nothing; it was the first time I had ever talked to my grandmother without worrying what she may think of me.
We must have talked for over three hours, discussing everything. I came out of my discussion with her feeling better, knowing that what I didn’t do with my grandmother Rosella, I did with her. I felt in some way that I had reconciled that regret and that my grandma Rosella watched over, enjoying every moment of the conversation.
I gained closure on my grandma’s life on Christmas. It was a fantastic gift, one that seemed all too perfect for that time of year. While others received cards, presents and who knows what, I was given the gift only my grandma could give; not having to suffer. She prays hard and meditates on Christ with such passion that the grace given to her was passed on to me. The feeling is indescribable.
We’re almost to her house now and we’ll be exiting the freeway soon. My Grandma has been holding on for days, for who knows what. The frustration that she must feel along with fear, uncertanty and just an indescribable feeling of asking God for just a few more moments must be the most intense thing any one person can experience.
My Grandmother is a wonderful person. She’s given me so much in life that my only return is that I will teach my kids the same as she taught me and they will experience the joy I had as a child. They will know that Disneyland is the place where my thoughts dwell when I think of my grandma and that every smile I enjoyed, they too will enjoy, because of them. Disneyland may just be a theme park to many, but to me, it’s a place where I experienced so much as a child with my grandparents.
There’s simply too much to say about my memories.
I’d like to close with a letter to both of my grandparents and my grandmother. She’s going to be leaving this world soon and if she can take a message, I would like her to take this one. First off, I must ask for permission:
Lord,
If you find it appropriate, please let my grandmother know of this message after she arrives. Please let this post be a testimate to your divine grace and let it be known to believers and unbelievers that death is only a ticket into, what can only be stated as, true paradise; a place filled with such happiness and wonder, that the good times anyone has ever experience on this planet can never compare to what lies ahead. We simply cannot comprehend what it must be like in heaven.
Grandma,
Please watch over your family. If the Lord may, please pray to him on our behalf that we stay together and that we honor him and remember you and our other loved ones on the most precious of holidays. Please help us all stick together and not feel sad about loss, but feel happy that the Lord granted you a place in paradise. Help us all to stay on path so we may all get together in the end.
I love you and tell my grandma and grandpa that I love them.
Steven
11:15PM
Thank you Lord, for not making her suffer anymore.
