OK, here’s a fun post!
Yesterday marked the one-week-away-point before our wedding. Since Melissa was out with her best friend, I was at home, left to my own devices. Well, with idle hands, I did something remarkable: chores.
However, after I was finished, I threw on some music and thought on my relationship a little bit. Half a decade ago marked the point of my last relationship. My point of view on Tania is now, meh. My understanding is she’s getting married herself and the best of luck. I don’t wish divorce on anyone; the rate is too high and if kids are involved, the price is also too high.
One of the things that I’ve tried to do is question my thinking. The reason I have been doing this is to make sure I really am doing the right thing; getting married that is. Also, this type of thinking is designed to question my beliefs that Melissa is the one. Here’s what I found:
In short, yes. But, the detailed answer is more interesting…
Five years ago, I didn’t know shit. I thought I did, but that was really silly thinking. I’ve often thought if I could go back in time with the knowledge I have now, I would be tons better off. Nevertheless, I have a lesson learned from my past, which is priceless.
The reason I have this perspective is for a few reasons:
1) If I decided to be lazy and never deliver a pint of ice cream to Melissa with the intent on showing how important she is to all her employees, we would have never gone out on a date and never fell in love
2) If I decided to pursue a dumb relationship with Tania, that I thought was the end-all-be-all of existence, I would have never allowed myself to fall in love with Melissa.
Looking back with these two points in mind is critical to my relationship with Melissa. While they don’t have any present structure in our relationship, they were the reasons that our relationship formed.
Since I’m after perspective, I’ve considered this: what if I never gave Melissa the ice cream? My hunch is that I would have tried to get back together with Tania. All the while, I would have continue to toil in my existence, that was, quite frankly, going nowhere quick. Tania was a dead end road; fruitless. I wanted marriage and kids and she didn’t. More over, I couldn’t reasonably ask of myself: could she be a good wife or parent?
No.
What I’ve gained from this is that Melissa has given me several beautiful gifts in life. One being, she is a great person, very driven and stubborn. She gets what she wants and she’ll also help you get what you want; as long as your heart is in it. Melissa’s passion, spirit and drive has given me the motivation to bolster my career and begin two start ups. While the pace is slow going, I have confidence and spirit. These elements are key to success and without her, I wouldn’t have a clue.
The second question is, what if I did continue with a relationship with Tania? It would have been the same old; calling long distance, trying to figure out how to get our jollies off one another, all the while struggling with stupid crap that is made out to be much bigger than it really is. Tania was pretty cool, in that we enjoyed a lot of the same music, art and activities. But, a relationship cannot survive marriage on those items alone. We had no idea how to manage money, time or a bigger relationship that included a house and kids. I don’t imagine we would have made it very far.
Inline with the second question, I would wish that my future self would bitch slap me into fucking every girl in sight, just to get away from Tania. I say this, because I thought of my relationship with Tania on such a high level that it was fucking with my foresight.
Melissa provides prospective on the second question: Tania wasn’t the end-all-be-all-girlfriend, because she wasn’t offering much to the relationship. She was spoiled and just as immature as I was. Melissa showed me what a real girlfriend is and what a good wife is. She’s honest and she’s able to give much more than physical things. Melissa showed me what I was doing wrong and continued to be persistent even when I was resistant. Melissa’s patience was new to me and at times, it was frightening. Why would she want to spend so much effort and time on me? Turns out, I was worth it. This was something that I didn’t get from Tania and that my friends, is fucking priceless.
I come out of this self questioning with an understanding of what I have and what I would never trade in. I have love for my friends, but it’s a long shot from the love I have for Melissa.
I come out, each and everyday and I know that I’m a better man because of this woman. That’s an awesome realization when you can say that honestly. I look forward to saying, “I do”, in less than a week. She’s deserving of a great husband, marriage and life. I hope that I can give all that and more to her!
Here’s to you Melissa! :*